57: The Joy of Starting Scared (aka How to be Scared and Do It Anyway!) with podcaster mom, Chrysty Lockhart

Have you ever felt scared to try something new? What if your superpower was showing up as vulnerable and authentic AND doing the thing that terrifies you?

Trying something new doesn't have to scary. You can view it as a challenge. A way to add joy to your life. In this episode, Jen and Chrysty chat about why it is so important for women, especially moms, to go after their goals--even if it scares them, and how to find the confidence to just go for it.

If you are in need of that extra push to find yourself again, check out this episode with Chrysty Lockhart. 

Find out more about Chrysty Lockhart, Host of the Start Scared Podcast:
 https://www.instagram.com/chrystylockhart/
https://www.instagram.com/startscaredpodcast/
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/start-scared/id1554599348

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Transcript

it's just so amazing to think that like Do what is on your heart, and you take that step towards believing in your ability to do things. The magic that can happen. And I want for me, like I wanna show, you know, my three kids, that if you have something weighing on your heart you can go ahead and do it, even if it doesn't work out the way play into it, might work out better or it might lead you to something else. 
 

Hey, welcome Christy. It's so good to have you here. 

Oh my gosh. I'm so excited to be here. Thank you. It's an honor.

Thanks for coming on the pod. would you tell folks a little bit about yourself? 

Um, I am Christy. I am believer, first and foremost wife to Frank of 10 years. I have two bonus kids. Um, Malcolm is he just started college. Um, Addison is 16. She's a junior. Um, my, our bo, our, um, biological son together is, um, Bruce, He's seven. Um, I'm an intervention specialist. I work with, um, uh, mathematicians in first through fifth grade at a private Christian school. Um, I host the podcast, starts scared. Um, I wear many hats. but yeah, just little bit about who I am.

tell me all about your podcasting journey. How did you get, start with, how'd you get started with Start Scared

So I, um, am a huge podcast lover. , I think the average person listens to maybe like six a week. I probably have like 20 that I listen to. I love podcasts and, um, I listened to Empower Her by Keisha Fitzgerald. Keisha, Get Married Now. And, I wanted to, um, it was calling me on my heart to start a podcast because really I was trying to find. Discover who Christy was outside of the many hats that I wear outside of being a mom. And so I wanted something for just myself. And I was like, Well, since I love podcasts and I'm really kind of introverted, I could sit in my closet and record something and nobody, I wouldn't have to worry about like, making small talk with anybody.

I wouldn't have to worry about like people think because I don't know what they're thinking while they're listening to me. And so, um, I joined a podcasting course. and I named it Start scared because I have always been scared to start new outta fear of looking dumb. What would people say?

What would be people think? Would people laugh at me? What would they, you know, what would they say or do or would they even care? Right. so there were so many times in my life that I just didn't start anything, um, because I do have perfectionistic tendencies and so I was. Well, I need to just rip off the bandaid and I need to name this thing that I'm about to do.

And so I was like, Huh, start scared. Let's do that. And so it became, start scared and for a while, I was, you know, kind of. Trying to decide if I wanted to change the name and make it cuz it really has morphed into, um, being for moms. And so I was trying to decide do I want to change, Start scared to be more mom related.

It was gonna be something about like, You matter, Mama, I think is what I was gonna change it to. and so many girls that I am in community with who are also podcasters, said, No, I'm not a mom, but I love your podcast. if you change the name from start scare to you, Matt, or Mama. I other people wouldn't find you who are not moms.

And because you, you have this valuable insight for people who are not just, are not just moms, then I think you need to keep it start scared. So it's just me. I started scared. I have never done anything so scared in my life, really. And so it's just turned into this thing that I just love to do and it's more than I could have imagine.

I love that. That's so cool. And have you been doing it for how long now?

Um, I launched my first episode 2021, 

Does it still scare you?

Oh yeah. Every day. And it, when I'm trying to think of like a podcast topic, this dumb? Will people like it? Will people with it? But as I start to just discover who I am, I have gotten to the point where, yes, sometimes, you know, the analytic piece, you know, is like, ugh, I wish more listeners would be here.

But I feel like the people who need to be here, the people who are listening to the podcast are the p are my people, right? And. I don't need people to listen to it, who won't find value in it, who don't like my voice, or the fact that I talk really, really loud, or I drop an occasional F bomb every once in a while, You know what I mean?

And so if they don't like that, then they shouldn't be listening, and that's okay. Um, but the people who are listening, even if one listened to it then and they found value in it and they felt seen, heard and understood, then that makes all the difference in the.

I love so much about this. Like I love how you started scared. I love how you're still going, even though you're totally acknowledging like yeah, you're still scared. think that's so incredible and there's so much of what you said. I think that can resonate with so many women, like especially with so many like working moms and like you mentioned, like you wanted something for yourself.

Mm. 

And that's why you, One of the reasons that you started this podcast, and you said during the part, during the process of podcasting, you're kind of discovering a little bit about who you are. Can you speak more about what that's kind of been like?

I have discovered like I am, and I'm not at all like perfect, and this is still a tough thing for me. Um, I have very, very little belief in. My ability to do things. Um, and you know, my mentor always says, you know, borrow a belief in me, you know, um, until you believe in yourself. And I feel that that's so important.

And every step I take, every rep I make, For, you know, this podcast or keeping a promise to myself, grow a little bit more confident. Um, I'm not fully confident in, you know, who I am and able to completely rock that, just being completely transparent. But, I feel like. It's just being able to do something that I never thought that I would be able to do that.

Oh my God, I'm the host of a fricking podcast that people listen to around the freaking world. Like what? insane to me. This girl from north of Austin, Texas, um, who's a teacher, now I have this podcast, it's just so amazing to think that like Do what is on your heart, and you take that step towards believing in your ability to do things. The magic that can happen. And I want for me, like I wanna show, you know, my three kids, that if you have something weighing on your heart you can go ahead and do it, even if it doesn't work out the way play into it, might work out better or it might lead you to something else. And like, for example, you know, I, I recently left. Cush public school job that I was there for 16 years and I left to go teach in the private sector, and that was freaking scary. But I was being led there. And if I hadn't have less listened to my heart and my gut that that was bringing us to this other school, then I don't know what would happen.

There's a reason why I'm here, and I'm hoping to discover that while I'm here. But if something's weighing on your heart, then do it. And, and ga and then that gains belief as you continue to grow, you know, through whatever you're doing. And so I think that for me, just learning to believe in myself and learning, um, confidence in who I am and the voice that I have and the story that I have, because I'm like, Everybody does this, you know, like everybody has the same story as me, but that's not true, like at all. And um, so that's another thing that I've been learning through this process is that like, nobody has the same story that I do, but if they do have a similar story, then they feel connected to and they feel seen, heard and understood as well. And um, you like, Oh, me too.

Yeah. Well what I hear you saying is that podcast like podcasting, going out there and trying something that was kind of scary for you has helped you to kind of explore maybe like how to have maybe a little bit more confidence or grow with some of that confidence and also like give you practice at following your heart and led you to a new job, which is so cool.

I think like it's really hard sometimes for like bombs right? Like we're pulled in so many different directions, like whether it's at work and like with our kids and with all the things to do around the house, and just like that overall like mental load, right? Of everything kind of going through our brain that it can be really hard to even know what we would wanna do.

Yeah. 

, how can people figure that out?

And that's something that I'm still trying to figure out. And I think that, and that's, that's exactly what happens. And I think I can generalize that. That is what happens when you become a mom. You are focused solely on this person, this little human that needs you for everything. it's the same things every single day.

Wash, RINs, repeat, you know, do it over and over and over. until you have completely lost who you are. You have no hobbies, you have nothing to do outside the home. You know, maybe you work, but you come home, you cook dinner, you take care of the kids, you go to bed, and now it's your turn to wash your face and brush your teeth and read before bed.

And, and so there's not anything that you're doing for yourself. And so I think that was a, a problem that I had for me is when people ask me, Well, what, what do you like to do? What's your hobby? And. I don't know. I don't really have one. You know, I like to read, but can't really consider that a hobby, you know? With starting this podcast, it kind of just became something for myself, and obviously as it continues to grow, it becomes, you know, more, it, it, it's still fun, but there's still, there's a lot that goes with it. You know, it's not just, you know, fun and games all the time, you know. But it's starting to, I get to meet amazing people like you, and then I get to hear from them about what they do, that, that, that brings them joy, that lights their soul on fire.

And then I can borrow some of that and try that on and see if maybe I like that too. And so it's just trying. What is something that you like to do? Like I've been thinking about, Okay, so like I, when I was growing up, I was a, a competitive gymnast, and then I was a competitive cheerleader. I love tumbling, love tumbling, haven't tumbled in 20 years, but I love tumbling.

And so I'm like, Huh, I wonder if I could take an adult tumbling class, How fun would that be? And maybe my body couldn't do it. But it's worth a shot because it's something that brought me so much joy, not sure how well I could do it now that I'm, you know, 38, but also after having a baby, I think that would be really hard to tumble after having a baby.

But I can try it. You know what I mean? So I think that that would be super fun to try, you know, go back and think, well, what are things that you love to do before you became a mom? You know,

Yeah, I think that that's incredible. I think you should totally do tumbling and , even if it's harder or it's different, like cuz your body has changed, right? it's probably gonna be like an incredible workout for your core,

I'm sure, 

know And you'll gain all that incredible strength back and it might be different, but that doesn't mean it's not worthy of exploration, you know?

Exactly. And, and that's another thing is like, know, I have perfectionistic tendencies and I was like, if I'm not gonna be good at it, I don't wanna try it. Especially since I know how good I used to be, you know what I mean? And now I'm in this twen much older, you know, heavier body gave birth and. I'm like, I don't know if I can flip my body over anymore, you know? And so I'm like, it's in my head that I wanna try it, but then I also have that nasty mean girl in my head that, you know, limiting belief that says, Oh, you can't do that anymore. You used to be good, but you're not anymore. That doesn't matter.

You know what I mean? Like, if it likes your soul on fire, and like you it may be different, but that doesn't mean that it's going to be bad. It doesn't mean that it's gonna be wrong. It's just it. It

Yeah.

just may be.

Yeah, exactly. Just gimme one second here. They're not here, buddy. Sorry, I accounted for all my children, not the neighborhood kid. All I knew, I knew he was gonna come over. I texted his mom and I was like, They're not here.

I love

All right.

you're like the neighborhood kids,

Yeah, Louis, he's over here all the time. We, I mean, we love him. He is like, I mean, he is right in between two of my boys, so he is just like, it's just perfect all, it's just perfect.

and I have

Um,

a, friend in here too.

uh,

is Perry.

you know, Christie, what you bring up I think is really again, just like so relatable and such a experience that so many moms have, like with this like inner critic, their inner mean girl who really does stop them a lot of the time So like if I had listened and I did listen to my inner critic, my inner mean girl for a really long time and didn't pursue like the podcast like I wanted to, when I wanted to do it, for example, and.

I think there are so many of us who do that in so many ways. How, how do you silence person or how do you ignore them or how do you get past it?

I can tell you what. Again, an expert, not perfect, continuing to fail forward every single day, but, um, figuring out, okay, well what is the worst case scenario that would happen if you don't do this? what's the worst case you do do it? So the worst case scenario that you try that, or, um, you know, and that it fails that you just go back to doing what you're doing now, so you're living your worst case scenario. That's not so bad, you know, maybe it's gonna give you something else to, maybe you learn something more about yourself. Maybe you discover, Okay, well I like this, but, um, I don't like this. And just trying things on for size and discovering you like to do that you're a mom, now that you're in this different body, now that you're, you know, in this different stage of life, that there's so much more to life. Doing the same thing every single day. There's so much more. Like being a mom is so freaking important, and it is my most valued job, there is more to life than being a. Being a wife is so important, but there's so much more to life than just being a wife because if you are not a full, complete, happy person, can you expect give to your kids and to give to your spouse and to give fully to your work?

You've got to find something that lights your soul on fire that makes you happy. And if that means trying different things on for size and being a beginner. Right now I'm, I'm, reading a devotional and I can't remember what it's called, uh, Chase the Fun, and it's called A by Any F Downs, and she's talking about being an amateur, being a beginner at everything.

Being a beginner at making new friends, being a beginner at trying something new. It's, it's, you are never going to get better at something if you don't start and be a beginner first. So that I think is really, really important. That silencing your mean goal girl is just knowing that you're gonna be a beginner, that you're gonna suck at first and that, but you have to be, you have to be willing to suck a little first in order to become great at it.

Yeah, a hundred percent. To be willing to, as you said, fail forward. be open to failing and not make it mean something about you. And also be willing to like really look at like  what it is that we're defining as being a failure. if any of my friends stepped out of their zone and tried something new, I would be like so impressed and so proud of them and I would be there.

If they told me about it, I'd be there to cheer them out on the sidelines.

Yeah.

Glitter poster boards and everything, right? Like they would be incredible to me. Like regardless of what the like outcome is in their mind about it, you know? And so I think just to remember you being out there, like trying in some way is inspiring and probably empowering other people to do the same thing.

Yeah, I agree with that. For.

So if you do wanna come up with some hobbies, right Maybe you wanna try exploring some . Things gymnastics, podcasting, riding, horseback riding, baking, French cooking. That's like next on my list is trying to figure out how to like be the Julia Child of River Falls, Wisconsin,

I

but

whenever you need it.

Well, like you might have second thoughts There's a reason I've chosen that I could use a little help in that department, I think. And um, and we're all like, so busy, right? Like we all have so many things going on, it feels like. So how do you make time for these hobbies like, or these or these explorations around who else you can possibly.

Well, I think it depends on like how broad you wanna be. Like if you wanna like add one thing of fun every single day, that fun could be a walk around the block. ? So if it, it can just be something as little as that. Or you can put it in your calendar and schedule it as, um, a weekly activity or a biweekly activity, or a monthly Um, I personally wouldn't do every week because life is busy around here, and I don't think I would have time for that. I think starting f. small and being like, Okay, once a month I'm gonna do something for me and then I'm gonna make sure that the kids are taken care of, that they don't, they don't need me.

Maybe I'm gonna grab a girlfriend, we're gonna go and do this, but getting it on the calendar. one, you have something to look forward to, two, You have an appointment on your calendar, like a doctor appointment that you're not gonna break with yourself. And that's one thing that I have to do. Like when I, workouts, like I don't like to work out, but I put it on my calendar so I can check the box when I'm done. so if I put it on the calendar, then there is a much more higher chance of it getting done and accomplished. Than if I didn't put it on the calendar. And so like next week, I have a happy hour with, um, a couple of my girlfriends. And so I'm really looking forward to that. And that's not a hobby, but it's something that's gonna bring me joy.

And it's gonna be girl time. We're both moms, or all three of us are moms. And we, um, all work. so it'll be just a couple hours that we have to ourselves to kind of reconnect and get together. And so it's on my calendar and it's something I'm looking forward to. So if pick a. This month or this week, put it on the calendar to do something that will bring you joy.

Yeah, a hundred percent. I think like making some space for it. And what I love about what you said, Christie, is. Said, it doesn't have to be a whole day, and it doesn't have to be every day. It doesn't have to be every week. Start small, but just start, Start scared, start small. Start, start trying to just, you know, dip your toe in the water as to like what might feel good you and be okay with maybe trying a couple of different things.

Wouldn't you say cuz sometimes that first time when you try something, It doesn't always like feel like the right match,

Yeah. And um, over the summer, stepdaughter, my bonus and I, we went, um, to a, uh, it's called the breaking point, and it's this building, this room you rent for 30 minutes and you just break stuff. and it was so much So much fun and it's not something that I would do often, but it was different.

It was outside our comfort zone, it was so much fun. And at first I was like $80 for 30 minutes. Like that's not very long, you know? oh my gosh, by at 15 minutes my arms were sore. I was, I was sweating. And so not only was it fun, but was also a workout too, and. Different and we laughed and we're still talking about the time that we had at the broke breaking point, and that was in the summer. so finding things that even if you're not gonna do it again, or even if you are like, uh, I don't like this, like you said, just trying it on for size and giving it a shot so that you can see, Oh, I really like that. And even if you don't like it, you probably had some fun and you probably laughed at it and you're like, Oh, okay, well I'm not gonna do that again.

You know? but you're never gonna know if you don't try. and

Yeah.

do it if you don't put it on your calendar and make space for it, because you're never gonna say, Oh, when I have time, I have time, when life slows down. Yeah.

doesn't happen because every single season of life has its own sets of challenges.

And so if you don't just make the time and put it in a pocket on your calendar, then it's not gonna.

 Yeah, I'm loving this like little pep talk and I love that you found like this like super unique way to connect with your bonus and like have some fun and I bet it's a thing that she'll remember forever

hope

and it probably would push a lot of people outta their comfort zone.

Yes, it was so fun. I highly recommend metal, metal rod thing, stick thing and hit it against ac. I don't cook much either. Hold on. So the um, The, the pot li so the pot li has

Oh yeah.

stick the pot li on a, there's a big, huge tire. You stick it on the tire and you whack it with the metal rod and the sounds was very satisfying. Highly recommend outta 10.

I love that. I love that so much. Oh, I can't wait to, We have, um, one or two of those up in the Twin Cities kind of near where I live, and I've heard like a lot of people have fun doing it. It's something you try at least once and like have that experience.

Yeah. Just like, I wanna try ax throwing. Now I

Yeah. Yeah.

throwing and then like, I would love to go like a paint war or something. 

Oh yeah, definitely.

like paintball and then you get paint all over your white shirt, and

somewhat fun too. I dunno.

Little

Yeah.

So find the joy and find, find.

yeah, exactly. And so like speaking of finding the joy, do you have any tips or ideas on like how as you're kind of going about this process, you can like add a little bit of joy and make sure you're not like making this another chore or another thing to do on the to-do list, but really like finding that space to connect with who you are on that joyful level.

Yeah. So um, I hate to work out. I told you that already. And um, but I know that it's important. And so what I am in working out is doing something that brings me joy, doing something that my body is craving for that day. so it's. Lifting weights. Maybe it's going for a walk around the block with my husband. Maybe it's doing, doing bar. But I've gotten to the point where I ask myself, Okay, well what does Christie, what do you wanna do today? Not what does your workout tell you to do today? What do you wanna do today? And so, a couple in a row, I went on a leisurely stroll on my indoor cycling bike, and years ago, I would've been like, That's not a workout.

That's crap. You know, I'm not dripping with dripping with sweat. But any good movement, especially if it's joyful movement, uh, when it's something that your body says, This is what I wanna do. Listening to your body is going to bring that joy into your fitness, into your workouts, and that something that I've. Hardcore over lasted last couple months, and like I said, a couple years ago, I would've laughed at this version of Christie because if I'm not dripping with sweat or sore the next day, it didn't count. But now I'm like, No girl. Do what makes you feel good. because

Yes.

a workout it tells you what to do for the next 30 days.

No, because I don't know what I'm gonna feel like tomorrow and tomorrow. this morning, I didn't feel like working out, so I didn't, I honored the rest. I honored my body and brought me.

Yeah, definitely. Like this idea of like listening to our bodies is it's like almost like. A foreign concept, like when you have been like taught that you should be like, you know, like buy this workout, follow this plan and do this, and do it every single day in exactly the same way without accounting for like how you're even feeling or like whether or not like you're ill or just like even what your soul like what your body really wants that day.

Um, I think that's like great. Thanks for like, kind of throwing that out there and giving people permission on that. I.

You don't need

and then,

but here's your permission slip.

Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Love that. Um, and then what can we do, do you think, to empower each other? You know, so many moms I think, can relate to this idea, maybe just sort of losing themself a little bit.

So as they kind of start to dip their toe in the water and try things out and try to figure out who they are now, beyond the label of mom, beyond the label of wife, who they are as a person. Season of their life, How can we empower each other to do that?

Oh my gosh. It's so important share. I think motherhood can be so isolating, I think social media has this, you know, perfectly curated feed so many times. Of

Yeah.

should look like, which is not reality or what I, what is my reality, but here I'm, I'm looking at it and I'm seeing it, and then I'm feeling less then. So if we share what we're feeling, what we're going through, what we're experiencing, other moms are going to be like,

Mm-hmm.

me too. then it gives them permission. And then if you're sharing what you're doing outside of the many hats you're wearing rediscover who you. then it gives them permission too.

But if you're not sharing, if you're not being transparent, if you're not being vulnerable about what's going on behind closed doors, other moms are just gonna sit back and feel like something's wrong with them, and there is nothing wrong with you. Nothing wrong with the way that you're feeling. If you're feeling like, Oh my gosh, this is all that there is, and I don't even know who I am, and I'm just going through the motions of every single day, you're not alone. And that is such a valid feeling. So many people feel that way. if we don't rip off the bandaid, pull back the curtain, show people going on how we're feeling, and how we're moving through experiencing different seasons in our lives. Then they're, they're not gonna know that it's okay to be moving through those seasons of our lives too.

So just sharing, being vulnerable, being transparent. Not hiding behind a filter, not hiding behind your computer screen, you know, putting, putting a perfectly painted picture it's so important that moms realize that they're not alone. And, um, I think that that's just the biggest thing to me because for so many years I felt alone.

I felt less than, I felt not enough. I felt like I was the one who was messed up. And by being open and transparent about, you know, the things that go on, Brought so many amazing women to my life, but also has given them permission to go out, put themselves first too, and to go outside their, their jobs. You know, the hats they wear to figure out you know who they are too.

And remember that they still matter.

Yeah, that's beautiful, Christie. And that willingness to be vulnerable and to put yourself out there and to be authentic, a superpower I think so. Thank you so much. For coming on to the podcast mom, first, I have really loved getting to know you better. Would you please tell our mom, first listeners they can find out more about you?

Yes. Thank you. Thank you, thank you. This has been such a joy and such an honor, so thank you for having me. you can find me on Instagram at Christie Lockhart. C h r y s t y l o c k h a r t, and then the podcast is called Start Scared and you can find it anywhere you listen to podcasts, wherever you're listening to this one.

So I would be honored if you, you know, picked an episode, listen to it and hopefully you can find some value in it. 

That's awesome. Thanks again, Christie. We really appreciate it. 

 📍 you, Jen.