Mom Writes First

84: Stop Saying You're Failing as a Working Mom

February 20, 2023 Jen Larimore
Mom Writes First
84: Stop Saying You're Failing as a Working Mom
Show Notes Transcript

Have you ever felt like you are failing at EVERYTHING? So many working moms feel like a failure because they cannot give 100% of themselves to their kids or to their work. 

While a lot of working moms feel like this, it doesn't have to be  this way. Its time to push back on the narrative that working moms are failing. Today, we'll talk about how to move past this narrative, question it, and three specific areas to work on to feel like you are rocking it--as a mom and as a leader at work, too! 

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Copyright 2023, by Spectacle Coaching, LLC, Empowering Spectacle-Making Everyday

84: Working Moms Are Not Failing At Everything. 

[00:00:00] You are listening to Mom first. Hi, I'm Jen Leramore. I'm a lawyer, turn life coach. And just like you, I'm a mom first, a mom of five to be exact. This podcast is for growth driven working moms just like you. Here we empower each other to ditch the overwhelm and lead with joy. If you are ready to go from frazzled and barely surviving, To fulfilled, joyful, and thriving.

[00:00:36] You're in the right place.

[00:00:40] Hello to all you beautiful, amazing moms out there. I'm so glad you're here. Today. I want to chat with you about a phrase that I hear so many working moms say. And that is that they feel like they are failing at everything. [00:01:00] As a working mom. They feel like they're failing at work. They feel like they're feeling at home. They feel like they are failing with their kids. 

[00:01:09] They feel like they're failing with themselves when it comes to self care. They feel like a failure with their friendships, with what ever it is. And they feel this across the board. And they feel like no matter what they do. They can't get the balance. Right. No matter what they do, no matter how hard they try, no matter how much they may have in terms of resources and access, they still feel. Like they are short changing either their work. Or their kids. 

[00:01:46] And what I want you to know today. Is that if this is your experience, If this is where you are right now. I want you to know that I see you. [00:02:00] I hear what you're saying. And with this episode, I want to offer you a path forward. And so I want to acknowledge where you are because it takes a lot of vulnerability and courage. 

[00:02:17] To name. If you feel like you are not good enough. And I want you to know that I am standing here delivering this podcast episode to you, recording it for you. And I am standing in a space of compassion. And empathy and non-judgment, and honestly, Just immense love for you and art at all that you are and all that you do. 

[00:02:43] Because I know what it's like. I know what it's like to feel like you aren't good enough. Like, no matter what you do, you aren't 100% a great employee and you aren't 100% a great mom. And I want you to know that [00:03:00] because I know what it's like, and I've been there. I have felt like that before. I have thought those thoughts and I want you to know you don't have to feel like that. 

[00:03:11] I used to say to people as if it was a fact. That I believe that there were three dominant areas of my life, caring for my kids, doing my work. And taking care of myself and that. On the best of days, I could only possibly manage to do two of those. And even then. I probably wouldn't do both of them or either of them very well. 

[00:03:36] And I said this to people as if it was a fact. As if it was absolutely true. As if you could go and look it up somewhere and that there were these three things, and maybe I could try to do two of them on a good day, but probably I would fail. And I know now that I am not alone in having felt like that. 

[00:03:56] In fact, it does seem that this is a almost [00:04:00] universal experience among working moms in our culture.Just recently Rihanna who headlined the Superbowl halftime show spoke about how she feels like it's so difficult to find that balance. 

[00:04:13] And a number of years ago, I remember Shonda Rhimes gave a speech where she talked about the trade off between being a mom and being a professional and about how one can never really get 100% of your attention to either of those things. look if folks like Shonda Rhimes and Rihanna cannot manage with all of the resources that they have, then. What hope is there for the rest of us working moms. That's how I used to feel. But here is what I've learned. You don't have to feel like this. 

[00:04:48] You don't have to think that you are feeling at work-life balance. You don't have to think that you're not a good enough employee. Just because you have kids. And you don't have to think that you're not a good [00:05:00] mom because you have a job. In fact the opposite could actually be true. You could choose to believe the opposite. 

[00:05:09] I know that I am better at my work because of the experiences that I have had as a mom. 

[00:05:16] And I know that I am way better as a mom. Than I personally ever would otherwise be because of everything I have gained and learned professionally. 

[00:05:27] I know I'm going to get some emails about all that I'm saying here. And so I just really want to reiterate that if you are currently. In a space where you feel like you are failing. I want you to know that I'm not questioning you. I'm not, not believing you. I see you. I feel you. 

[00:05:48] I'm not trying to say that it is not challenging. I'm not telling you. It's so easy. And I'm not here to Gaslight you I'm not here to judge. I'm just here to offer a different path. A different [00:06:00] thought, a different belief. One that I think just might serve you a little better. And it starts with pushing back on the narrative of not enoughness. Just a little bit. 

[00:06:13] It starts with questioning this idea that there is necessarily a trade-off between being a mom and having a fulfilling professional life. It starts with being unwilling to believe that we are failing at any of it. I would love to see us just stop offering this as a thought. That we feel like we are failing at everything. 

[00:06:36] Because we offer it to ourselves and to each other as if it's a default as if it's necessarily true. 

[00:06:43] Frankly, I am at a space in my life. Where I will not deign to entertain. The notion that I am somehow. Failing at it at all. And when you are ready. I want you [00:07:00] to know that you are invited to join me in that space. What if, when we hear ourselves say I'm failing at everything, I feel like a failure at everything. I can't be a good enough mom and a good enough employee. 

[00:07:16] What if, when we hear ourselves say those things. We just question it. Maybe it's not a, trade-off like so many people portray it to be. When I work with people on this issue. We tend to coach around a few specific subtopics. Number one, questioning that narrative. And coming up with something else. 

[00:07:42] Number two. Considering what they really want themselves figuring out what aligns truly to their core values. And when they do this work, it allows them to really develop. And manage expectations that are going to work for them. And that are consistent with [00:08:00] what they want and what they need instead of some, one size fits all approach. And instead of just accepting some generic, unrealistic expectation, that's been handed down to us by society at large. 

[00:08:12] And then finally, once we do that work, then we work on boundaries and we figure out what type of boundaries are appropriate around work and what type of boundaries are appropriate for them around parenting. And then from there, they get to take the steps to create the life. They want one that is really, truly going to work for them and their kids. Instead of accepting this mantra of not enoughness instead of accepting that they are somehow a failure. 

[00:08:40] My friends. There's a lot of reasons for why we might want to do this work and why we might want to start to change the narrative. First of all, we're going to feel a lot better. Secondly, we're going to empower those around us. And thirdly. I want this narrative to change. 

[00:08:58] Because I have five [00:09:00] children. And I want them to grow up in a world where they don't question. Their ability to be a parent. Just because they also work and I don't want them to question. Whether they're a good enough employee, just because they're a parent. I want them to see that both are possible. I want them to be able to know what their values are, to create their own expectations for what they want their life to be and how they want it to be set up. 

[00:09:29] And then I want them to have the tools to create the boundaries, to make those things happen. 

[00:09:35] That's what I want for my kids. And so I know I need to create that in my own life, too. 

[00:09:41] It's time to stop saying that we are failing at everything. I see you. And you are not feeling at anything. You are incredible. You are a rock star. You are inspiring. 

[00:09:55] Thank you so much for listening to this episode and in [00:10:00] case no one has told you today. You are amazing. Just as you are right now. In this moment. I see you. I believe in you. And I want you to know that you matter so much. I will see you next time. 

[00:10:18] Okay, my friend. Thank you for checking out this episode. Hey, if you like this content and you're ready to take the work to the next level, then I wanna invite you to get coached by me. I offer one-on-one coaching and group coaching too. Imagine what it would be like if you could finally enjoy this season of life that you're in and set that incredible example of fulfillment and joy for your kids.

[00:10:46] That is possible for. And I'm here to help. All you have to do is head over to mom first to find out more.