Perfectionism drama shows up to derail us from our goals. Jen shares how she is showing up with vulnerability to overcome perfectionism so it doesn't stop her from reaching her goals.
Copyright 2024, Mom First Coaching
[00:00:00] This episode is less than 15 minutes long. And I'm sharing with you what I'm doing to ditch the perfectionism. So that I can keep moving forward with my goals this year.
[00:01:31] Welcome to this. Week's fittest your ever episode on mom first. I'm so glad you're here. Here's what's up buttercup today. I want to chat with you about perfectionism. Here's why. Since starting this fittest year ever series. The ugly drama of perfectionism has been showing up.
[00:01:57] I know I'm not alone [00:02:00] because it's also showing up with a lot of my coaching clients. Let's set the table here a bit, because context really matters. So I'm trying to do something new in my life. I'm trying to create a fit and healthy mind and body. But on my terms, that means nourishing my body with healthy food, giving it that joyful movement that it needs each day.
[00:02:24] And taking care of my mental and emotional wellbeing every single day. I've been taking this approach. For several months now and here's what's happening. I have more energy. I am well rested.I'm getting back to a sleep routine. That seems to be serving me. I'm feeling good in my body.
[00:02:45] I'm having more fun. I'm happier. My clothes are looser. I'm more confident. I'm making decisions that are really good for me and my wellbeing. And all of that is really, really awesome and [00:03:00] wonderful. And here is what is also happening at the same time. Every weekend. When I sit down to plan my week.
[00:03:09] A voice pops up into my head telling me. I should be pushing myself more.I should be trying to do more. To be more perfect in what I'm doing. I start thinking about what I see others doing around me. I do some compare and despair and I start to think, whoa, wait a minute. Maybe that voice inside me right now. Maybe that voice is right. Maybe instead of focusing on nourishing myself and taking care of my body with that joyful movement.
[00:03:45] I should adopt a no pain, no gain type of mentality, and really focus on pushing myself, maybe read up on some of the latest fad diets and workout trends and do some of those things. Even [00:04:00] though, to be honest, they don't really resonate with me. And they don't work.
[00:04:05] And so then I catch myself and I remember wait, I have tried that in the past. I've tried all those things. They didn't get me to where I wanted to go. Remember. I've decided this year to do things a little bit differently. I've decided to take a new approach. One that feels better for me. And who I want to be.
[00:04:28] And the example I want to set for myself and those around me, especially my kids.
[00:04:35] I know that if I want them to love their bodies and have a good relationship with their bodies, and I want them to really care for their bodies. I need to be the one to set that example.
[00:04:46] And so that's what I'm trying to do here. As imperfectly as it might be happening. So if I know I'm trying to do that. Why does the perfectionism keep coming up? When it comes to [00:05:00] my fittest year ever goals. Here's how perfectionism tries to derail me.
[00:05:05] By thinking that I need to get a certain type of, or amount of exercise in each day. By stacking my calendar so tightly and with so many things each and every single day that I couldn't possibly get them all done. Including making space for joyful movement.
[00:05:23] By thinking that going to one gym class with a friend doesn't count unless I can do it. Every week And Hey, by the way, one time's not good enough. Let's make it seven days a week, every single day.
[00:05:35] Another way is by failing to appreciate all the wins I have. remember those wins that I shared with you earlier, how I'm feeling better in my body, sleeping, better feeling. Good, more energy, more confidence. Close feeling even a bit looser. Perfectionism tells me that none of that matters.
[00:05:54] The other way perfectionism gets me. Is by trying to hijack my end [00:06:00] result. My goal here. Is to create a body that can be active and healthy for decades down the road.
[00:06:08] Perfectionism tries over and over and over again to hijack that goal and make it instead about the number on the scale or how many calories I ate or what size of clothing I wear.
[00:06:21] And finally perfectionism is super sneaky because it tries to take over by saying that it will give me the perfect routine and then I will be able to do everything I want to do and become. Everything I hoped to come, but only if I have that perfect routine and only if I can execute it perfectly each day.
[00:06:41] Which of course when you have any children and when you have a job and we have all these things happening in your life, you know, that it's totally impossible to perfectly execute that perfect routine every single day.
[00:06:54] So perfectionism is really loud and annoying and really ingrained in [00:07:00] a lot of my daily life. If I'm not careful. But the truth is that perfectionism is wrong. I know this because it's unattainable. And even in those moments where I think I might achieve something perfect. I don't feel good. I don't feel happy.
[00:07:18] I don't feel joyful. I don't feel that sense of resonance. Instead, I feel anxious, worried, urgent. Scared. I wonder if I'll be able to maintain it. I wonder if even when I can be quote unquote, perfect with something.
[00:07:37] If it still means that I'm not good enough.
[00:07:41] Perfectionism is a liar. It shows up powerfully though. Nonetheless.
[00:07:47] I know all of this and perfectionism still shows up to derail me from my goals. I know that perfectionism is a liar. But [00:08:00] it still shows up powerfully because it's part of the culture that I grew up in. It's a part of my life and my culture, and it goes deeper than I care to admit.
[00:08:09] And I know that at the end of the day, what it means for me, Is that if I can't let go of it, if I can't release perfectionism, That I'm never going to be happy. I'll never be good enough. And neither will the people around me. I won't be able to love them unconditionally if I can't give that same love to myself.
[00:08:31] Perfectionism wants to Rob that off me. And that means I need to ditch the idea that anything even could be perfect in the first place.
[00:08:40] It means, understanding a bit about why I would ever even want perfection. It means, understanding what I'm afraid of. If I'm not perfect. What will happen? What will it mean for me? What will it mean for my family?
[00:08:55] That's heavy work. And it takes time. There are a lot of layers to [00:09:00] peel back. But here's what I know. Perfectionism doesn't get to win. Although it is deeply rooted in my own programming.
[00:09:12] There are things that can be done to counteract it. For example, I can remind myself about. All of the things that I am doing, where I really am winning. And I can appreciate those things. I can love myself for getting out there. And boldly going on this journey of fitness for myself, but with you, but with you, my dear listeners.
[00:09:38] It takes an immense amount of vulnerability. For me to share my journey with you. And I do it. Because I want to empower you to do the same thing. And also just a little bit, selfishly, it helps me to hold myself accountable. Knowing that you're out there and you're listening. [00:10:00] And that we are doing this together.
[00:10:03] I can counteract the perfectionism tendencies. By recognizing that I'm going to make mistakes. That it's part of the process. There will be setbacks. Some days and weeks we'll have less movement than others.
[00:10:17] One of the most effective ways for me to get past some of this perfectionism is by seeking out. Folks around me who are encouraging. And who reinforced the values that underlie my personal goals.
[00:10:31] They helped me to remember that a part of me is always going to be my own worst critic. But that I don't have to let that stop me from moving forward.
[00:10:42] When I look past perfectionism, I stop wasting time trying to make things perfect. Whether it's the perfect meal plan or the perfect workout schedule. Instead, I show up every day. And I just do the very best that I can.
[00:10:58] At first, when I [00:11:00] started doing this, I got super overwhelmed. It seemed like there was so much that had to happen right then and there. And when that happens, I get super anxious. I try to do every single thing at once. Or I just totally shut down and do nothing. I'm sure you can probably relate.
[00:11:19] After all, if it can't be done perfect. Does it even matter? And now when that happens, I just ask myself. What's the next most important thing to do. Right now. When that answer is to stretch or go for a walk or go to the gym. I do it. Even if it means the laundry doesn't get folded.
[00:11:42] Even if it means I don't finish every single task at work. Even if it means I put off. An email. Even if it means that lunch doesn't get prepared for that week.
[00:11:55] I'm not saying it's easy. I have to manage my mind through every single [00:12:00] step of it. But it's so worth it. Ditching perfectionism means that I get to live more deeply into my real values, those values that are most important to me. Ditching perfectionism means that I get out of my own way.
[00:12:16] It means I take bold and imperfect action for myself and that I show up with a lot of vulnerability. It's not easy to do this. But it is easier if you understand what's driving you and what's at the bottom of it. You can gain awareness of all of that. If you take a deep dive into your values. If you want to free values exercise that can help you get to the bottom of some of this.
[00:12:42] And figure out what's really, truly important to you. Then DM me on Instagram at mom, first coaching. Send me the message values and I'll hook you up with a complementary exercise. That'll take this work deeper for you. All right. [00:13:00] Thank you. My friends for listening to this episode. In case no one has told you today.
[00:13:07] You are amazing just as you are right now in this moment. I see you, I believe in you. And I want you to know that you matter. So much. I will see you next time.