Are you a people pleaser? Do you say, "Yes," even when it means sacrificing what you want? People pleasing can derail health and fitness goals and prevent you from reaching your goals.
But you can stop people pleasing.
Try these two little hacks:
1) Build your capacity for self-love, so that you make yourself a priority. Jen's trick is to picture yourself as a child and make a promise to take care of yourself.
2) Build better boundaries by practicing say, "no," using a game based on the day of the month.
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This episode is under 10 minutes. And I’m sharing with you 2 quick tricks for kicking people pleasing to the curb so that it does not derail me from reaching my health and fitness goals this year.
Hello my friends. Welcome to this week’s fittest year ever episode on Mom First. I’m so glad you’re here.
Here’s what’s up, butter cup. Today, I’ll share with you how people pleasing can manifest itself and derail me from making my health and fitness a priority.
FIrst a question, what do all these thoughts have in common?
–Taking time to go to the gym on the weekend feels selfish when I haven’t seen my kids all week.
–I need to help out around the house before I go for a walk.
–My kids, spouse, friends, sister, need me. My run can wait.
–I can always do yoga once the baby is napping. For now, I’ll fold the laundry and get that out of way.
–My client expects me to return this email, so I’ll skip lunch, and take care of those emails.
These are all people pleasing thoughts that put the needs and wants of others over our own personal health needs.
These kinds of thoughts are particularly difficult because as women, we are often socialized and programmed to put the needs of everyone else ahead of our own. Additionally, we sometimes even derive a little bit of pleasure from knowing that we are needed and feeling like we can help and rescue others. Plus, when you’re a lawyer and a mom, there are already a lot of demands on your time–so taking time to care for yourself–even in the form of exercise–can feel like an indulgence instead of a practical necessity.
But the impact of this is that we don’t take care of ourselves, and that means we ultimately cannot effectively take care of others. It leads to burnout and resentment, too.
Here’s what I know. Ultimately, at the root of people pleasing is a desire to be liked and loved. The way to move through that is to learn to love ourselves absolutely and unconditionally. You can build your unconditional love and acceptance for yourself by remembering (or imagining) yourself as a small child. When I’m not prioritizing myself, I have a picture in my mind of myself as a baby. I’m sitting on my mother’s lap. I have a bonnet on of all things. And, I remember that the human has needs too, and she deserves to have those needs met, and its my job to make sure her needs are met. When I think of myself in that way, it helps me to truly prioritize my own wellbeing. When I do that, it means that I can take care of not just myself but others too.
The second hack is to build boundaries, and for people pleasers that means saying no. If you aren’t good at saying no, it can help to make it a game. So, I like to think about what day of the month it is, and I try to say no at least that many times that day. So, its easy on the first of the month. 1 “No.” to someone. But by the 15th or 16th and certainly the 30th, it gets kind of hard. But when it comes to exercise. I say “no” to doing the laundry and “no” to picking up the house before I go do my run. And that gives me more “nos” so that I can win for that day. You can make it a game and make it fun, and that takes some of the angst and stress out of it too.
So those are 2 hacks that I am using right now to help make sure my people pleasing tendencies do not stop me from doing my yoga and run each day. Here they are again 1) I picture myself as a child and I promise to take care of that child’s needs that day–which include healthy food, joyful movement, and rest by the way, and 2) I practice saying “No” by trying to say as many “no’s” as there are current days in the month. So this episode drops on the 24th of April, so I’m going to try to say “no” to something 24x that day!
Are you a people pleaser? If so, what helps you to move away from people pleasing? Feel free to share your tips and tricks with me over @momfirstcoaching on Instagram.
Until then, I’ll see you next time.