Have you ever felt burnt out from the constant pressure of writing, or found it challenging to balance writing with everyday tasks? Imagine how transformative it could be if we could enjoy our creative process and find joy in writing. That's exactly what we're diving into today. Join me, your host Jen, as we journey together to uncover the essence of joy in writing and in our lives. I'll be sharing personal anecdotes, as well as tips and techniques that have helped me to center joy in my own writing practices.
Keep an ear out for our special segment, ‘Gem of the Week’ - @woodfirecandle on Instagram
Take the QUIZ! Discover how to use your mom superpower to reach your writing goals.
Ready to take back your time and add hours to the day so you can finally manage it all? Then you have to check out the FREE Time Audit Guide. You'll get coaching, worksheets, and tips on running your first time audit so that you can finally write your book without burning out. It's absolutely free, and it's my way of supporting and empowering YOU!
Instagram @momwritesfirst
Facebook
Website www.momfirstcoaching.com
Listen to more episodes by visiting Apple Podcasts or Spotify or your favorite platform.
Copyright 2024, Mom First Coaching
Have you ever felt burnt out from the constant pressure of writing, or found it challenging to balance writing with everyday tasks? Imagine how transformative it could be if we could enjoy our creative process and find joy in writing. That's exactly what we're diving into today. Join me, your host Jen, as we journey together to uncover the essence of joy in writing and in our lives. I'll be sharing personal anecdotes, as well as tips and techniques that have helped me to center joy in my own writing practices.
Keep an ear out for our special segment, ‘Gem of the Week’ - @woodfirecandle on Instagram
Take the QUIZ! Discover how to use your mom superpower to reach your writing goals.
Ready to take back your time and add hours to the day so you can finally manage it all? Then you have to check out the FREE Time Audit Guide. You'll get coaching, worksheets, and tips on running your first time audit so that you can finally write your book without burning out. It's absolutely free, and it's my way of supporting and empowering YOU!
Instagram @momwritesfirst
Facebook
Website www.momfirstcoaching.com
Listen to more episodes by visiting Apple Podcasts or Spotify or your favorite platform.
Copyright 2024, Mom First Coaching
Hey, writers, today we're pushing aside the stress and anxiety that writing can cause and focus on the joy it can bring instead. My point of view is that writing, telling those stories that are on our hearts, can be a source of joy, and we have the option to cultivate a practice of joy when it comes to our own writing habits. Today, I'll share with you the tips that I use to bring joy center stage when it comes to my own writing habit. You are listening to Mom Writes First, the podcast that helps busy moms write every single day. I'm your host, jen. I'm a mom of five, a lawyer-turned-life coach, and I'm developing a habit where I write every single day. Come with me on this journey and together we'll empower each other to build the daily writing habit so that we can write, publish and sell our first book. Welcome back, momma writers. I am so glad that you're here.
Speaker 1:Today I'm sharing an episode that seems, at first glance, to be all warm and fuzzy, but that I think is actually rebellious and radical, and that is how to cultivate joy with our daily writing habit. Let me tell you more about what I mean, because, admittedly, when I talk about joy, most folks think of rainbows and daisies, and they don't see anything radical or rebellious in that. Here's what I don't think people realize, though. Writing or doing anything for the pure joy of doing it is actually pretty dang unusual these days, and, moms, knowing how busy you are, I'm guessing that there aren't that many things that you get to do just for fun, just for the pure joy of doing it, and that's what I want writing to be for me. I want it to be a place of joy. I want it to be fun. I want it to add to my cup, not take away from it. I want that for you, too.
Speaker 1:I meet so many people who are burned out on everything. They're burned out on work, they're burned out on the kid activities, they're burned out on extended family. They're burned out on grocery shopping. They're burned out on cleaning, even on hobbies, on things that they've always loved. They've taken things that they've loved and they've turned it into an obligation, and it breaks my heart when I see other moms who end up burned out on their writing. It's so easy for that to happen, because we can put so much pressure on ourselves to write and we can put so much pressure on our writing to do something that it maybe isn't ready to do yet, like pay all the bills or finance our kids college tuition. And because we put all this pressure on our writing, and then we put this pressure on ourselves, we go ahead and look at writing as a chore or an obligation or another thing on our to do list and it sucks all the fun and joy right out of it.
Speaker 1:And that is why I advocate for coming at our writing from a place of joy, a mindset of joyfulness and gratitude. And let me tell you something in a world of hustle and grind and monetize everything and turn everything into a side hustle and compare and despair all over social media, Pursuing something just for the joy of it is actually a pretty rare and radical way to approach things these days, and that's why I want to encourage you, when you sit down to write today and every day, tap into that emotion of joy and begin your daily writing practice from that mindset. And in this episode I'm going to share with you a ton of tips and tricks and little mind hacks to help you figure out just how to do that. We're going to cover what joy means and how to recognize it, how to discover or rediscover what actually brings us joy and how to cultivate practice of joy, including overcoming some of the internal and external obstacles that relate to joy. Before we dive into all that, though, let's first go to our coaching question of the week.
Speaker 1:Today's question is from Pam. Pam wrote me a message on Instagram at momrightsfirst, and she wrote hey, jen, I'm a mom of three. My youngest just started pre-k. I'm trying to write while he's at school, but I can't seem to stick with it. There is always something else that needs to be done. Any advice? Yes, pam, I do have some ideas for you. So if you have been following me for a little while, you know that my whole jam is like if you're a busy mom, the way to actually write on a regular basis is to create a regular writing habit, and I think it should be a daily writing habit, so like five minutes a day, 10 minutes a day, 20 minutes a day what have you and really incorporate that into your life. So, if you are my coaching client, there are a few areas that I would want to explore with you.
Speaker 1:Usually, what people ask is what's getting in the way of you writing, but my experience is that that actually is not a useful path for us to go down. What actually helps instead is to understand okay, so why, at this moment in your life, do you want to write? What's important to you about writing during this time? Assuming that writing during this time is important to you, I'm not actually that concerned with the obstacle that's in the way, Because I'm guessing that what's happening is that there are all kinds of little distractions that are popping up and getting in the way, like groceries, meal prepping, dishes, laundry, work, picking up the kids all of these like daily things that get in the way. Or that there are like sort of like random things that fly into your day, like a kid gets sick and has to be suddenly picked up from school, or work starts on fire, like whatever. It is those little daily things that make it hard for us to reach our goals. But those obstacles, in my opinion, aren't actually like the key to resolving the issue here.
Speaker 1:What's actually the ticket to success is to go in and work with yourself to create a daily writing habit, so that you're writing every day, no matter what, even if it's just for a little bit, and then, as you get that writing habit established from there, you build it and you systemize from there. I have found that, both for myself and my clients, it can get really awesome results just by building habits, brick by brick, and so, honestly, that's what I'd suggest for you here Start out with something small and take it on and make it a habit that you do every single day. If you have more questions about this, you want more personalized advice. I would love to hear from you. Go ahead, pop back into my DMs about it, and that goes for all of you too, my dear listeners, not just Pam. Hop over to momwritesfirst on Instagram and ask me all your writing mindset and productivity questions there. Maybe I'll answer some of them on the podcast, maybe I'll answer some of them in my DMs. I can't wait to hear from you All. Right now, let's get to joy.
Speaker 1:So it is important to remember if you are listening to this podcast. It is not a contest. This is a come as you are podcast. So, no matter where you are in your journey as a mom, as a writer, as a writer, mama, wherever you are, you are welcome and supported here. It doesn't matter if you haven't written in ages but want to. It doesn't matter if you haven't written since grade school but you want to know, and it doesn't matter if you write every single day and you've published five books already. For me, it's my goal to publish my first book in 2024. And I would love for you to come with me on this journey. We'll figure it out together.
Speaker 1:That's the same thing with today's topic, joy. We are all a work in progress and probably joy is going to show up differently for each of us. It may even be different depending on the season that we're in. So, whether you are someone who is able to easily access those feelings of joy, or whether you're someone who struggles to find it a bit, or whether you have absolutely no idea what joy would even feel like at this point, it's okay. Wherever you are, honor that Nothing has gone wrong here. Wherever you are, there is value in the journey. And so, with that little disclaimer out of the way, let me ask you how aligned is your writing practice with joy? When I ask that question, I'm not asking is your writing all happiness and fluff and kitty cats and rainbows? That's not at all what I'm asking. I'm asking that when you're writing, when you're getting ready to write, are you doing so from a place of joy? When you sit to write, what emotion is present? Is it joy or something different? Be gratitude, frustration, determination, fear, obligation.
Speaker 1:I'll be the first to admit that it isn't always easy for me to come at my writing from a place of joy. Sometimes that just isn't the kind of day I'm having. Sometimes, everything that could go wrong that day has gone wrong. Sometimes, when I finally sit down and have the chance to write, I'm angry or stressed or tired or drained. It doesn't mean that anything has gone wrong, but what I want to do in that moment is try to get back to that place of joy gratitude, delight so that my writing can really flow and I can enjoy the process of writing.
Speaker 1:What I also find is that I sometimes hold a lot of judgment for myself in my writing and that really really quickly gets in the way of joy. It's hard for both of those J's judgment and joy to coexist happily together. So if I am noticing a lot of judgment, I am almost certainly not experiencing joy when it comes to my writing. And sometimes what I find is that another joy sucker can be focusing on selling or publishing or making money. And don't get me wrong, I'm 100% in favor of your writing helping to support you. I love that idea for you, I love that journey, and I also know that when you come at something from the mindset of this has to make money, this has to sell. My writing has to bring in an income for me, there's nothing wrong with that.
Speaker 1:But it can very quickly turn the energy tide and make it much more stressful, anxious, make it feel like more of an obligation, generate some fear instead of just allowing our writing to be and enjoy it instead of having fun with it. And so when I notice that happening for myself or when I see it happening with my clients, I don't take it as something has gone wrong here per se. It's not like those other emotions or those other wants or needs are somehow invalid or not okay, not at all. But what I do there is I notice what's happening and I try to help my clients notice what's happening. What I advocate for is, instead of staying in those emotions like fear or frustration or judgment, what I instead advocate for is moving just a bit more upstream towards joy, getting closer to an emotion that feels like joy when we sit down to write.
Speaker 1:And the reason for that for me personally is first, very selfishly, I want writing to feel good, I want to have fun, I want to enjoy it. It is so easy to have another obligation in this world, and I don't want writing to be an obligation for me. I want it to be fun, I want it to bring happiness, I want it to add to my life, not take away from it. And as a bonus, what I find is that when I can get to that spot of joyfulness, the words flow so much more easily and beautifully. The really cool thing about this is that we don't have to be dependent upon our circumstances and the world outside of us. We can train ourselves to come at writing from a place that is closer to joy and farther away from emotions like frustration or stress or overwhelm, and we can do so no matter what is happening.
Speaker 1:One of the first keys to really being able to do that is to build our mental resiliency. So that is something that I really work with my clients a lot on building that mental resiliency. I do that in a couple of ways, and there's ways that you can do yourself at home, but one of the things that I do is I offer a special program called Positive Intelligence, and it's a course that is researched back and used at top companies like Google, microsoft, stanford, nestle, even Pinterest Come on Pinterest. And so, in that course, what you do is you build your positive intelligence quotient, which basically means that you are building your capacity to respond to the everyday challenges and tackle the negative default thought patterns that keep you stuck. I personally started on my own journey with Positive Intelligence back in January of 2022, and it was a huge game changer for me. I've since started teaching it and working with moms and women literally all over the world, coaching them with this program. If building your mental resiliency is something that you might be interested in, then please hop over to momfirstcoachingcom to find out more.
Speaker 1:Let's talk, though, about what else we can do to really create more of that feeling of joy for us, and I think the first thing to do is to really understand what does joy mean to you? How can you recognize it? We cannot possibly expect to cultivate a practice of joy with our writing if we don't even know what joy looks like to us. Obviously, joy is a huge concept. There are whole books that have been written on it, whole courses. If you want a really beautiful, lovely book on joy, then I personally recommend the Book of Joy by His Holiness the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu. Today. We're not going to go quite at a book level, but we're going to try to keep it a little more simple instead and instead think about what does joy mean to us?
Speaker 1:If we think of joy as an emotion, how can we define it? How can we explain our experience of it? Eckhart Tolle said that pleasure is outside of oneself, whereas joy comes from the inside, and that explanation really resonates with me because I think for me, joy is somehow generated or manifested from within me. It comes from deep inside and comes through me and emanates out of me, and that's how I experience joy in the world. When I see someone who seems joyful, it seems like they're just radiating it, doesn't it? You know what I mean.
Speaker 1:So how would you describe joy? What does joy feel like in your body? If you had to describe what it felt like to a Martian, someone with no concept of what human joy could feel like, how would you describe it? I know what joy feels like for me because I've spent a lot of time over the last five years trying to actively cultivate a practice of joy in my life. I've tried to really feel it, try to explore it, try to notice it and sit with it, dive in and out of it. That doesn't mean I feel joy every day or every minute, but it does mean that I can generate packets of joy for myself when I want to.
Speaker 1:Often you might be thinking to yourself, but I don't know what joy feels like to me. If you're not sure, don't worry. This is your invitation to find out, and here's how you can do it. Begin by noticing. Watch for those things and incidents where you feel a little joy, where you're having fun and you don't even realize it, where you laugh, where you're walking around with a smile on your face. Oh, I used to think that those people were so obnoxious and now I'm just like oh, I love it, I love it so much. And then apply that to your writing. How can you have a little bit more fun or create some joy for yourself, some delight? Sure, it can be a bit of a slog at times. I don't want you to think that I don't have those times too, but what does it look like when it's not like that? What aspects of writing are fun and happy and light and delightful?
Speaker 1:You can also look to the past, think back and try to remember when was the last time you felt that joy in your life in general and as relates to your writing. This can be really challenging, especially if you haven't felt joy recently. If you can't think of the times when you experienced joy, then just pause and understand again. Nothing's gone wrong here. It just means that for you, with where you are right now, it may take a little bit more time and reflection to cultivate that active practice of joy in your life.
Speaker 1:A very practical way to do all of that is journaling on the topic. Begin by writing down simply what you like to do, what makes you laugh, what felt spontaneous and easy in the past. Keep it easy and simple. You're not trying to solve for climate change here. You're just trying to tap into what makes you feel like you're having fun and enjoying life. What brings you joy now as a mom, at work or with friends? When did you feel joy as a child?
Speaker 1:This is actually a very fun exercise to think about a little bit, because it can tell you a lot about what you like to do. You might even see some themes. So, for instance, start out and be like okay, what did I like to do in college? What did I find joy in doing? And I did it even though I wasn't paid or compensated for or graded on it. For me, I was a broadcast journalism student, and so I loved participating in the campus television station. I would go around campus with a video camera and a microphone, interviewing people and putting it all together and editing it and getting it ready for the show. I loved that. I seriously. I know it's such a nerdy thing to do, but I loved it.
Speaker 1:And when I was in high school, I loved telling stories through acting and drama, and as a child I loved to write stories and make up stories. Even now, as a mom, I loved to play, make believe and do storytelling with my kids. I remember when I was first doing this exercise for the first time, I brought to mind a time when my kids and I had turned an ordinary lunch into a magical picnic in the living room and just how fun that was. So are you starting to see a theme here for me and what it might be that just might bring me a lot of joy in my life? Telling stories, putting things together, making a story out of things, writing and having fun, and especially like doing that in collaboration with others, which is one of the reasons that I am so excited to get back to interviewing guests on the podcast and hope to have some of that coming out for you in the new year. So hopefully you can see how that really easily translates and relates to my writing and why writing for me can really easily, you know, tap into that feeling of joy.
Speaker 1:When writing tends to feel a little bit like a chore and not fun for me. I try to really actively tap into the storytelling nature that I have. I try to let my imagination run wild, I try to get a little bit silly and have some fun and insert some magic into it. I try to reach out to others and collaborate, maybe do some guesting on other people's podcasts or ask people to come on to mine, and when I do that it seems like I let go of the limits that I've kind of placed on myself and I turn things into more of a possibility, and that in and of itself allows for more joy. Releasing some of that restraint makes room for joy.
Speaker 1:Now, if you've tried all of the above and you still are not sure, then the third tip I have for you is to go out in the world and start talking to people, find out what they're doing, get on social media, scroll through their feeds. Watch then for those twinges of envy, of jealousy, of that green-eyed monster. Here's what I think Envy is a gift. I know that this is an unpopular opinion, but what I have learned is that envy is an invitation. When you feel envious, when you feel jealous, it's because there's a part of you that, somewhere deep down, wants that too. And here's the thing we only ever want whatever we think we want, because of how we think it's going to make us feel.
Speaker 1:So what is the feeling that you're missing? What is it that you think that you're going to feel if you had that thing that makes you feel so envious? This is how you take back your power when it comes to envy or jealousy. You notice when you feel it, you allow it to be there, you dive deeper and you understand what it's trying to tell you. If you feel jealous, for example, about the trips that someone else is taking, what is it that you're wanting there? Are you seeking rest, space for adventure, connection with new people, connection with the people that you love, that you're going to travel with? It's always, always, always, about how you think you would feel, and so if you can make space to understand what it is that you are seeking to feel, that what you might be missing, then the funny thing is that you're going to nip that envy right in the bud and you're going to unlock some of the things that are going to help you, ultimately, to have more joy and enjoyment in your life, and that is such a win. So don't stew an envy. Instead, use this to move through it.
Speaker 1:No, if all of that doesn't work, if you're really far from joy, want you to know oh my gosh, I have been there. I have been there, and what I would tell you then, if that's you, is that the key is to start moving closer to what feels good, closer to what feels like it might feel like joy. Just start moving in that direction. Start trying new things, try getting out there, try doing something different, try a new hobby, start exploring, because that will help to unlock some of that space. So, when it comes to writing, okay, say, you've hit a wall with your writing and you just are not feeling any joy from it anymore. Then experiment, take your writing somewhere else, try something new that you've never tried before. If you ever tried like doing a partner right, where one person writes another part and then another person writes another part and then another person writes another part and you put it all together have you tried the storytelling cubes? Try playing. Let your kids write with you. There are so many ways to add a little bit of variety to your writing. So if that's where you are with it and can't get out of it and you want to, those are some ways in which you can move forward and have some of that joy back in your writing.
Speaker 1:Once you start to recognize what it is that brings you joy, it's on you to start to make time and space for that and apply it to your writing. Make time every day to write, and to do so from a place of joy. My personal favorite way to cultivate joy in my life is to make everyday moments spectacular. I believe with all my heart that ordinary moments can be extraordinary and that is part of what makes life so fun and joyful and, dog on it, magical. So what can you do today to make your writing practice a little magical? I start with a candle, some specialties, some fun pens. Adornment is one of my values, so if I'm feeling particularly silly, I have this like crown that I sometimes will wear when I'm writing to just like mix it up and have fun.
Speaker 1:Final bit of wisdom that I have to share with you today is that you need to manage your mind for joy. I'm a big believer that it is our responsibility as adult humans to manage our own minds. So to manage your mind, you need to be aware of your thoughts. When it comes to joy, that means understanding what your thoughts are around joy, enjoyment and fun. Oftentimes we think there are so many things external that are blocking us from joy, but that is often not the case and, honestly, it's never the case. If we're not feeling as much joy as we want, if we aren't having fun, if we aren't feeling excited about things, it's always because of what we're thinking. It's always internal. Let's consider, then how does this apply to your writing practice?
Speaker 1:When you start to notice what brings you joy in your writing, when you start to take a little bit of time or energy to make an everyday moment of writing a little bit more magical, or when you heaven forbid plan to have some fun, your mind is going to come up with all kinds of objections. Ignore those objections when they come up, instead, work through them. Here are some of the objections that my mind comes up with and offers to me when I think about trying to make my writing practice a little bit more joyful. There's not time. You won't get enough writing done if you focus on having fun or creating joy. You're too busy. Writing is serious. What do you think you are? Why would you get to have fun? You're being selfish. Joy is a waste of time. You should be cleaning, making dinner, working, not trying to have fun. Writing Joy is for other people. Joy might be good for others, but you're too busy. You have too many responsibilities. Your work is too important. You have too many children. Joy is not for grown-ups. These are all of the objections, y'all All of these kinds of ideas. They sound so ridiculous when you say them all out loud, but these are all the automatic thoughts that my brain just comes up with and offers to me anytime I want to dive in and have a little fun with my writing. They're my own personal, automatic thoughts based on my own life experiences. Yours might be similar or they might be different.
Speaker 1:If you want to cultivate a practice of joy, you need to uncover and understand your own thoughts around joy. You can do this through journaling. You can do this through coaching yourself. You can do this by coaching with somebody else. You can do this through a mind dump, where you basically dump all of your thoughts out on a paper or into a voice memo and then go through them. You can do it through guided meditations or guided art.
Speaker 1:There are so many ways to get in touch with what your thoughts are around a subject, and once you do that, once you start to notice and recognize and understand those thoughts, then it's time to start questioning them. You need to look at them. Some of them want to see them. It becomes apparent on their face that they are absolutely ridiculous. Often their power just kind of vanishes. In my house, we read Harry Potter a lot, and I like to think of these thoughts as the bogart, the shape shifting form that is easily defeated with the ridiculous. Other thoughts, though, might be a little bit deeper, and they might be more a product of social conditioning or programming, and sometimes you have to unravel those a lot more.
Speaker 1:For me, I think that thoughts that I've often had about my writing being frivolous or a waste of time or unworthy for some reason, often relate to my own desire to be very productive. So if you're having thoughts like that, I would ask you whether you agree with the underlying idea that if you are not being productive, you're wasting time, and I would frankly, vigorously challenge that notion and ask yourself if your self-worth is somehow tied to your productivity. Not everything we do in life has to be quote unquote productive, and that goes for your writing too. Or maybe we'd need to twist that around a little bit and actually think you know what joy is actually a productive and worthwhile use of my time. Ironically, when you start to add joy in front of your writing practice, you might actually end up more productive With your writing and in life in general. So, to recap, we went on a joy journey today, and I can't wait to hear how you are tapping into joy as part of your own individual, beautiful writing practice. Find me on Instagram Mom writes first, and let me know which of these joy exercises resonated with you the most. And now, my friends, it's time for my favorite part of this podcast, the Gem of the Week, and before that, I just want to thank you for being here and listening to this episode, if this podcast has been helpful to you in any way, would you please share it with others, because when you share the podcast with others, you help me and you help them.
Speaker 1:Today's Gem of the Week plays a very special role in my own daily writing practice. As I mentioned, I love to light a candle when I'm writing. It helps make that moment just a little bit more magical. Some of my very favorite candles are from Woodfire Candle Company. I love the scents and the way they crackle. They have a wood wick which makes for this really lovely cozy effect, especially in the early morning hours, which is when I often write. I buy them at a local bookstore here in town where I live, but you can actually find them on Instagram at Woodfire Candle.
Speaker 1:As with all of my Gems of the Week, I'm not getting like any affiliate or any deal or anything like that from telling you about them. I'm just sharing them to spread the love and the joy. So check them out at Woodfire Candle and while you're over on Instagram, be sure to swing over to MomWrite's first, where I would absolutely love, love, love to hear from you. Thank you so much for listening to this episode and, just in case nobody has reminded you today. You are a resourceful, creative, whole human being. You are ridiculously capable. You are loved, so loved, and your ideas, your words and your stories matter. Keep on writing. I will see you next time.