As the clock ticked over to a new year, I found myself scribbling down writing dreams in the precious margins of motherhood, determined to bring them to life. This episode is a love letter to all the busy moms who harbor stories within, yearning to claim their writer's mantle amid the chaos of parenting and daily life. Learn 5 tips to truly becoming a writer this year!
Take the QUIZ! Discover how to use your mom superpower to reach your writing goals.
Ready to take back your time and add hours to the day so you can finally manage it all? Then you have to check out the FREE Time Audit Guide. You'll get coaching, worksheets, and tips on running your first time audit so that you can finally write your book without burning out. It's absolutely free, and it's my way of supporting and empowering YOU!
Instagram @momwritesfirst
Facebook
Website www.momfirstcoaching.com
Listen to more episodes by visiting Apple Podcasts or Spotify or your favorite platform.
Copyright 2024, Mom First Coaching
As the clock ticked over to a new year, I found myself scribbling down writing dreams in the precious margins of motherhood, determined to bring them to life. This episode is a love letter to all the busy moms who harbor stories within, yearning to claim their writer's mantle amid the chaos of parenting and daily life. Learn 5 tips to truly becoming a writer this year!
Take the QUIZ! Discover how to use your mom superpower to reach your writing goals.
Ready to take back your time and add hours to the day so you can finally manage it all? Then you have to check out the FREE Time Audit Guide. You'll get coaching, worksheets, and tips on running your first time audit so that you can finally write your book without burning out. It's absolutely free, and it's my way of supporting and empowering YOU!
Instagram @momwritesfirst
Facebook
Website www.momfirstcoaching.com
Listen to more episodes by visiting Apple Podcasts or Spotify or your favorite platform.
Copyright 2024, Mom First Coaching
Who are you as a writer? What does it mean for you to be a writer? This episode is about embodying the identity of the person that you most aspire to be. I know you. I know that you have big dreams, goals that are on your heart, visions that seem so real when you think about them, and they're all about who you want to be, who you want to be as a writer. The journey of aligning with that person, that writer inside of you, can feel daunting, but today I'm going to share with you five very actionable steps that you can take right now so that you can start to show up in this world as the writer that you really truly are. You are listening to MomWritesFirst, the podcast that helps busy moms write every single day. I'm your host, jen. I'm a Mama 5, a lawyer-turned-life coach, and I'm developing a habit where I write every single day. Come with me on this journey where we empower each other to build that daily writing habit so that we can write, publish and sell our very first book. Welcome back, mama Writers. I am so glad that you're here. Welcome to 2024.
Speaker 1:With one year coming to an end and another beginning, it is totally natural to take some time to reflect upon how the last year has gone, what you've achieved, who you've become, what got done, what didn't, how you showed up in this world and what is next. I personally love the new year and the feeling of possibility that it brings. I know not everyone gets that or feels like that, but I just love the feeling of looking at the year ahead and thinking about all the lovely and amazing things that are going to happen, the goals I'm going to hit, the goals I'm going to strive for but miss, the things I'm going to fail at. I even love thinking about those, the impact that I'm going to make on the world, whether it's through my work or through this podcast, or just within my own family. I love support and joy and all of the amazing memories that I'm going to make with my family and friends, the adventures we're going to have, the new things I'm going to get to try in this world. There is just so much possibility, and I love it. I love it. I really do, and that's what today's podcast is actually all about. It's about who you want to become and the importance of truly embodying that identity this year.
Speaker 1:Before we do that, though, I want to share with you a coaching question that I received from a listener. Today's question is a little bit more of a behind the scenes kind of question. It comes from a friend who has been listening to my podcast episodes since I first started, way back in 2021. She caught me up in a local coffee shop here in town the other day and she told me that she loved the rebrand of the podcast and how it had been relaunched as Mom writes. First she said that even though she's a writer, it still is really appealing to her and she really loves it. And then she asked me seriously, how are you finding time to do all this stuff? And she was referring to work and just life overall. You know kids, kid activities, all the reading that I do, the podcasting, taking care of a house, all the things that you know we all do as moms on a daily basis, right? So, even though she didn't quite frame this as a coaching question, I think this is a really great topic for this particular segment of the show, where I talk about coaching questions that I've received, and I asked her if I could use her question in this segment and, of course, she said yes because she loves the podcast, right, and she's so supportive of me. I just love her.
Speaker 1:So I'm going to share with you some perspectives that have really helped me to kind of manage all these things that I'm doing, whether it's work or home life, or the kids and their activities, or the podcast and the writing that I'm doing. Some perspectives that I hold that I think are kind of unique to moms and to me especially, and I think as a result of those perspectives, I actually am able to get quite a bit done. And I don't mean to offer this in a way where it seems like, oh, like Jen knows everything, but I don't. I know that I am constantly improving, I am a work in progress, but I do think, you know, this is an area that I've studied for a long time. It's an area I coach people on and it's an area in my own life where I have made a lot of really huge leaps in the last couple of years.
Speaker 1:So, to start with, with all that said, I just want you to know that if you are feeling like you are so busy and there is not any way that you could like ever reach any of your goals or add anything to your to-do list or even have a goal that you're going to go after because life is just so crazy. I want you to know that. I know what that feels like. I've thought that too. So if you are feeling overwhelmed, tired, stressed, whatever, like there's just not enough time, I know what that feels like. I think a lot of people feel like that and I don't really feel like that anymore. And isn't that interesting, because the days have not suddenly become longer. Right, I don't have 32 hours in a day, there's still just 24 hours in a day.
Speaker 1:I used to feel all the time like there was never enough time for things. And now I'm realizing, actually, actually, there is plenty of time. And I came to this realization via a couple of avenues, a couple of thoughts that I had. The first was that I started to see that I actually had more time than I realized. Secondly, I realized that I do have a capacity to do a lot, but that does not necessarily mean that I should, because I need to say no to things sometimes. And then, third, the third perspective that is helping me to really shift over into the idea that there is actually plenty of time is that if I work on my mental game, if I work on my mindset, I will get more done. And I will get more done not for the sake of doing, not for the sake of, like, checking it off the to-do list, but for the sake of becoming the person that I am meant to be in this world. Now I know that those things are true of me. I've seen that. They are true of my clients and my dear, beautiful, lovely, amazing listener. I think that they really are true for you, too. You have more time than you realize. You have the capacity to do more and if you work on your mindset, you will get more done so that you can become the person you're meant to be in this world.
Speaker 1:On future podcasts, I'm going to share more with you about some of the things that I do to make sure that I can get a lot done, including like writing every day and doing this podcast and still showing up at my 9-5 job and doing coaching and taking care of the kids and showing up as the mom. I want to be all without being stressed, all while still getting like more than 8 hours of sleep every night. All that is possible and it's all happened for me because I've really moved into the idea of there being plenty of time. So if you have a question for me about this or about any other topic that could be related to coaching, I would love to hear from you over on Instagram at momwritesfirst. All right, let's get on to today's topic.
Speaker 1:So we are talking about embodying that identity of ours, right? The identity of being a writer, truly thinking of ourselves as a writer and the kind of writer that we want to be. So, before we get started, remember that this is a come as you are podcast. No matter where you are in your journey as a writer, no matter what kind of writing you're doing or want to do, you are totally welcome here and you are appreciated for the uniqueness and amazingness that you personally bring to the table. I want you here and I hope that you will continue to listen to this podcast as I reflect on what my 2024 is going to look like.
Speaker 1:I think for me, it really, truly, is about embodying who I want to be. In fact, my word of the year, if that's something that people still do, is embodiment. I mean, I want to take on the identity of a writer, like really step into it in a way that I haven't in the past, and so for me, it's about embodying who I really want to be, who I am at my core, and letting go of those old identities that aren't serving me anymore, those identities that, frankly, I've all grown, and stepping into who I truly am when it comes to writing. That means, for me, really embracing that daily habit of writing and becoming somebody who writes every single day. It means telling people that I am a writer, showing up to writer events, putting myself around other writers and believing in my heart that, hey, maybe I do belong here.
Speaker 1:What about you? What is writing going to look like for you this year? How are you going to think of yourself as a writer? What comes to mind for you when you call yourself a writer? When we talk about embodiment, it's about really stepping into that identity. So do you feel like you've stepped into that identity of being a writer? And if you had felt like that, if you do feel like that, how are you showing up differently in the world? It's a little bit of a like circular kind of question, a little bit of a tricky question, because once you truly do embody a particular identity, it's second nature to you, right? So, like you're a mom, so you don't have to necessarily think about, like how do I show up in this world as a mom? You already are one, you already think of yourself as one. I know for me, like it took me a little while to like really figure out, like, hey, who do I want to be as a mom? But not once I figure that out, it was like, yeah, I know exactly who I am as a mom, I know how I show up and I embodied that identity.
Speaker 1:It was the same thing for me when I was a practicing attorney. My first couple of years I just like had no idea like what it meant for me to be an attorney. But as I grew into it, as I learned the practice of law, as I got more practice at the practice of law, I was really able to step into it. I found the same to be true with coaching. For a long time I didn't call myself a coach to people, right, I didn't know what it would mean If I called myself a coach. I didn't know what they would take it as. But as I completed my professional coach training at UW-Madison, as I got my certification from the International Coaching Federation, as I racked up all of those hours practicing coaching more than a hundred hours as I did that and started to realize, hey, like, not only am I doing all of this coaching, not only am I learning how to coach by some of the best in the world, not only have I passed the exam to really truly become a certified coach somebody who's certified by the International Coaching Federation but I am actually also starting to take on that identity of being a professional life coach. And as I did that, as I stepped into that, I found myself carrying myself differently during the day, telling people that I was a life coach and really having that more in green within me.
Speaker 1:And that's something that's really funny about identities, because, while it can take a little while for you to embody them, once they're there they're second nature and then they are hard to let go of, even when we outgrow them. I know I've personally, for example, worked with some women whose children have gone off to college and they don't necessarily know, like, who they are now or what they do. Right. We've seen this sometimes when people retire from their jobs and they don't know what to do next because their whole identity is wrapped up in that job. But the fact of the matter is, is that an identity is something that we can actually put on, we can learn how to wear it, we can step into it.
Speaker 1:I've been thinking a lot lately about how I can step into my identity as a writer, how I can maybe even speed up the process for myself of taking on fully that identity of being a writer. So you know, obviously if I didn't have kids, a family of friends and a life that I just absolutely love, I could maybe just drop everything, quit my job, sell my house, go somewhere, probably alone in the woods, write for a few months and then emerge with all my manuscripts and maybe then I would truly think of myself fully as a writer. But that's not what I want. That's not the kind of life I want. That's not who I am or who I want to be. That's not the identity that I want as a writer. I want to be a mom, a wife, a friend. I want to work in a career I love. I want a coach, I want a podcast. I also want to be a writer and I believe in my heart that that is all possible for me and I think it's possible for you. In whatever way that you can envision it, whatever way you can dream it. I think it's possible for you. So 2024 for me is about embodying that person, that person that I want to be becoming them now.
Speaker 1:This kind of work, where you let go of who you currently are and step more firmly into who you want to be, is like very hard work. It's taxing. It brings up a lot of insecurities and fear and anxiety and uncertainty. It calls into question our identity that we are currently holding, including the parts of us that we might need to let go of if we actually want to move into a new identity. As hard as this work is, there are things that we can do to make it easier, to make it more doable, and so today I'm going to share with you five tips that are really going to help you embody fully that identity that you're striving for in 2024.
Speaker 1:We tend to think of our identities as very fixed, especially as we age. Like I went to college, I went to law school, I got all the degrees, I got married, I got the house, I got the kids yes, I know who I am. Like we're finished, but that's not how identities work. That's not how life works. You are to cake that's being baked in the oven, ready to be taken out once it's been in there for 40 minutes. You aren't a finished project. We're all works in progress. We're all meant to evolve, and you can change the story that you're telling yourself about yourself. You can change your identity. It takes courage and tenacity and often time, but there are some things that are going to make it easier. So here are those five things.
Speaker 1:So, number one get real with yourself about what it is that you actually truly really want. You need to know what it is that you want to do when it becomes to being a writer. Do you want to be a person who journals, a blogger, a person who dabbles in writing, a self-published author maybe? Maybe a traditionally published author? Maybe you want that six-figure book deal. Do you want to be someone who really makes a living via their writing? And what is it that you want versus what maybe you think you should want? There are no wrong answers here, but you really do owe it to yourself to answer this question honestly, and the answer may change over time. It might change over a week, it might change over the course of a year, it might change over the course of many years, depending on where you are in your life. That is totally fine, that's great.
Speaker 1:Actually, the idea is to just get a very clear picture on who it is that you want to be right now, where it is that you're headed. It's important to have that clarity of vision and purpose so that you know where you're going, because if you want to be, say, a self-published author, that is a life that's going to look very different from somebody who just blogs for a living or somebody who writes and sells her poetry. So who is it, my friend, that you really want to be as a writer? Make sure you think about what this person's life is actually like. Make sure it's something that you want. I'm not saying that because it's not like you can't change your mind right. Rather, I'm saying it because I want to help you to avoid the cognitive dissonance and the lack of alignment that comes when we try to go down a path that we don't actually want.
Speaker 1:When we pursue something that we don't actually want, something that is not actually something we really, truly want, we end up in a vicious cycle of starting and stopping and self-sabotaging and starting again, and if we do, then by some miracle end up actually reaching our goal. After all that self-sabotage and starts and stops, we end up totally miserable because we've white-knuckled our way to success by relentlessly pursuing something that we never, ever, truly wanted in the first place, and that's not the way we want to spend our time. So, for instance, I have a friend who dreams of writing a book and going on a huge speaking tour. She wants to talk to like sold-out crowds, have her names and lights, all that and my darlings, that is just not me, not now, anyway, it's not something that I want at this stage of my life. That doesn't mean that for her there's something wrong with her vision, and it doesn't mean for me that something is wrong with what I want. I just have to be real with myself that I don't want what she wants, and that's okay. If I were to use my friend's goals you know when she's out there trying to figure out how is she going to parlay this book that she's written into a published book, into a speaking tour if I were trying to use her goals and her path, I would be building a life that I don't even want Now.
Speaker 1:This is super important because some people want published books, some people want speaking tours, some people want to sell the movie rights to their book. Some people want to simply just write for the joy of writing. They just want to write for the sake of writing. So that's the first thing Know thyself. Know what you want, be true to yourself. Here's the second tip I have for you Get down in the weeds. This kind of builds on the first tip.
Speaker 1:I want you to really think about what your life would look like if you were successful when it comes to being this writer that you really say that you want to be. If you are successful at taking on that identity, then what does your week look like every week? What do you do each day? What do you do on the weekends? How do you spend your time? How often do you see your family? What do you do with your kids? What do you do at night? When do you actually write? Other things are you doing besides writing with this precious time that you have?
Speaker 1:This is important because I want you to feel what it would feel like to be this person. So I want you to think about what are you doing on a daily basis once you achieve this identity, and how then does it feel when you are doing it? How are you feeling? Because we want to know what emotion is surrounding you as you're kind of going about your day. What are you feeling when you're writing? What are you feeling when you're not writing? And then check in and ask yourself okay, yeah, is that how I want to feel? And how do I move more towards that feeling? More towards that feeling so like, for me, I think writing is going to bring me creativity. It's going to bring me a lot of freedom with how I want to spend my time, and so when I think about those two things, like the opportunity to be creative, but also the freedom to be able to use my time in a way that feels most meaningful to me at that time, how do I feel then? And where in my life can I look for more of that right now? How can I have more of that right now, even if I am maybe not quite feeling quite like I've stepped truly into that identity of being the writer that I want to be in 2024?
Speaker 1:Here's the third tip I have for you Charge yourself around people that your future writer self would hang out with. So you've no doubt heard the adage that you become like the five people you spend the most time with, right. So, as you set off on your quest to embody fully your identity as a writer this year, who do you need to be spending time with Probably other writers, other writers that are writing things like what you're writing. So if you loved a journal and that's what you want to do this year, want to be somebody who journals every day, then surround yourself with people who are doing that. Get a coworker to do it with you. Join a group, even if it's just a Facebook group, but better yet, like join like a coaching group or a mentorship group. That's really going to like allow you to be around and kind of get the energy and the vibes from those people who are already doing what you want to do. You also want to look at people who are a little bit farther down the road, like maybe like six months to a year further down the road, so they've really kind of maybe embody that identity. And then also look for those people who can really be a mentor, right, like they have been doing it for a while, they've got some things figured out and they're ready to share. If you join, like certain communities that are for writers, you'll find these kinds of people there, but you can also go out into the world on your own and find them too.
Speaker 1:So, number four here's my fourth tip for you. Okay, so you can address yourself to others as the new future you, the new writer that you are. This might make you say, like, what are you talking about? But hear me out here, because it is not going to be enough for you to just internally think of yourself as a writer, for you to become a writer. As humans, we're like very social creatures. So even if you're an introvert like me, we still need each other. So tell those around you who you want to be, tell them who you're becoming. This isn't about like faking it until you make it. That's not what I subscribe to at all. This is about being honest and acknowledging that the person who is your future self is different from the person that you are today.
Speaker 1:Now, there are two caveats here. Like first, I know that this is like very easy to say and very hard to do. Okay, so it's easier right now to just like be who you are and like think about who you are now in the present and who you are in the past. And it's very scary to show up publicly and say who you want to be, especially when you have no guarantee of success. I want to acknowledge that right up front and I want to encourage you to go forward anyway and just do it. Call your shot here. Calling your shot here is so important because it helps you to be intentional about who you want to become. Showing up and introducing yourself as your future self is actually super powerful, because it leverages the power of storytelling, social pressure and then consistency and accountability to help you transform yourself into your desired self.
Speaker 1:The only other caveat that I would have to this is that I would encourage you to exercise some discretion around who you share your future self with, especially right out of the gate, so you don't want to share it with people who are close to you that are going to have a negative impact or a negative view of it too early on, because, as you're just kind of launching yourself out into this world or launching your idea out, you don't need that kind of negativity to make you question yourself or to derail you in any way. So I think it can be really helpful to think about who in your life would actually be probably neutral or supportive of this Neutral in the sense that they don't really care or supportive, in the sense of they will be like yeah, you are going to be a writer, you're going to be just like that writer that you aspire to be. I believe in you. How can I help you?
Speaker 1:And now for my fifth and final tip. This is a very practical tip. It's an exercise, actually a three day writing exercise. It only takes like five to 15 minutes a day, and I usually have my clients complete this over the course of three days, so that is helpful because it gives them a time frame during which they can really process their thoughts around it. Here's how this works On day one, you take that time, that five to 15 minutes, and you write about what you think your life will be like in three years, five years, 10 years, 20 years, if you never truly take on the identity of your future self.
Speaker 1:If you never truly take on the identity of your future self, what will you have missed out on? What will be the same and what will be different? What will the cost be? What might the gains be? How would your life look? Again, this is if you have never actually successfully become the future version of yourself that you want to be. This is kind of hard to do because it starts from a space of negativity and it can feel very vulnerable. And that's good because, like, name it to tame, it is a real thing. If you can look down on paper and say like, hey, like this are, these are the consequences of my failure, it helps to take away some of the fear that might be there and might be kind of like holding you back. You can then look and see that like, even if you fail, it's not going to be like that scary, you can totally handle it.
Speaker 1:I did this work when I first started podcasting two years ago. I sat down and I asked myself Okay, let's say I never become a successful podcaster. What will that mean? What will I have lost, what will I have gained and what will have cost me? And what I realized from doing that exercise is that even in the worst case scenario meaning I only got a few hundred downloads over the course of the podcast right Over many years, they were all my friends and family and nobody liked what I did, nobody shared them, nobody reviewed them.
Speaker 1:Even if all that were to happen and that's like the worst case scenario, right, I would still have done a hobby. I would still have created a product I loved. I would still have changed my life in the sense that I would have grown. I would still benefit in that way. I would still get to meet amazing women from all over the world, which is absolutely like. The very best thing about doing a podcast is all the really cool people you meet. On top of that, I realized that even if I did fail quote, unquote, fail, whatever that had meant at the time, I would still have shown my kids that even as a grown up, I would still have a chance to grow. You can go out there and you can try something new. You can try something hard and you can show up for yourself in that way and you can grow. And for me to be like the mom who sets the example for their kids in that way, that, for me, was like who I wanted to really truly be. I realized then that I don't have to be afraid of failure. If I couldn't successfully embody whatever it meant to be a successful podcaster, I would still have gained so much anyway. So that's day number one A couple of minutes writing about what it would look like if you did not take on that identity of your future self.
Speaker 1:Moving on to day two, on day two, I want you to look ahead at the upcoming year. So all of 2024 stretches in front of you right now. You're going to become a writer in 2024, whatever that means to you. You're going to step into that identity, my friend, you are going to embody that identity Now. Write a letter to yourself at the end of the year, but write it in the present tense. It's the end of 2024. Explain what has happened. Explain who you've become. Explain what your life looks like, who you are, what you do each day, how you feel. Get as specific as possible. This is fun to do, also a little scary, but also very fun, because it helps you to get clarity on what your life could really look like as you embody this role.
Speaker 1:And now for the last part of the exercise, day three. Hopefully, over the course of day one and day two, your thoughts percolated a bit and you had a chance to consider a little bit about how you might take on that identity of your future self. Even more so here on day three. That's where you put this to work. This is where you're going to start listing out all the actions that you could take right now. That would help you to move closer to the vision that you wrote about yourself on day two.
Speaker 1:What daily actions could you take For me? I want to be a writer. I'm going to write every single day, day three of January 2024, and so far, I am on track to write every day this year. So that's great, but what other actions would you need to take? So, if you think about it from a writing step, how often do you need to write? What would you need to complete? Where would you be doing it? What do you need in order to do those things? So, my friend, when it comes to really being the writer that you really want to be at the end of 2024, what actions do you need to take right now that are going to move you a little bit closer to that? Just make a list. That's all you got to do. All right, my dear friends, that is what I have for you today. Let me know what you think about these tips, especially the last exercise. I can't wait to hear who you are becoming as a writer this year.
Speaker 1:Find me on Instagram mom writes first and tell me all about it. And now it is time for my very favorite part of the podcast, the Gem of the Week. Before that, though, I just want to thank you for being here and listening to this episode. If this podcast has been helpful to you in any way, will you please share it with others? When you share the podcast with others, you help me and you help them, so it's kind of like a win all the way around win for everybody. So please help me get the word out on this podcast. You can do that by leaving me a rating review, sharing it with a friend taking me on it. So if you share it on Instagram, take me. Mom writes first and I will be sure to give you a shout out and thank you. Today's Gem of the Week is also on Instagram at Eat Move Groove.
Speaker 1:Eat Move Groove is all about simple, practical ways to eat, move and nurture your own well-being. It is run by a friend of mine. Her name is Susie and she is an absolute delight. So I would love it if you are ever somebody who wants to eat to nourish your body in a way that is like plant forward and move in a way that is going to really explore how you can bring joy to your movement and also groove by creating a daily practice of personal health and well-being, then if any of those appeal to you, then Susie is your girl and I hope that you'll go check her out at Eat Move Groove. That does it for today's episode. Thank you so much for being here and listening with me and, in case no one has reminded you today, you are a resourceful, creative, whole human being. You're not broken, I swear to you, you're not. You are capable, you are loved and your ideas, your words and your stories matter. Keep on writing. I will see you next time.